Fear of being uncomfortable. Fear of being vulnerable. Fear of being witnessed and judged. Fear of caring too much about what other people think of me.

These are some of the core reasons that have held me back in my life, instead of caring about how I wanted to show up for myself.

This post is about choosing myself. About showing up and moving through all the guck, resistance, old stories, and limiting beliefs that no longer serve me.

For the last few of years, I’ve wanted to get back into classes, specifically yoga and dance. I would go to a class or two, explore a little, and then stop going because I felt extremely uncomfortable and disconnected. I didn’t like being in a room full of strangers, receiving glances, or allowing my insecurities to project onto other people. I preferred practicing on my own.

And honestly, I think that solo period may have been beneficial for me. I needed a break from the world and needed to connect with my inner world and my own practices.

What Fear Can Do

This became especially apparent when I became a yoga teacher. I didn’t know how to hold my own center while guiding a room full of students. My energy was focused on what people thought, how I was doing, and whether I was good enough to teach.

It stripped away from the real practice. Guiding students on their own journey had nothing to do with me, but I made it about myself.

Fear can blow things up. It can create something much bigger than it actually is. It can make you believe that something is so uncomfortable, so scary, or so important when, in reality, you might just need to give yourself a chance.

This year, I’ve learned a lot about my fears. One helpful practice has been giving myself a chance, risking looking stupid, and continuing to show up regardless of the outcome.

I’m much more journey-focused now. I’m more at peace than I was when I felt like I needed to be perfect just to learn. How silly. The amount of immense pressure I would put on myself. How saddening.

The pressure still exists. Discomfort still arises. Perfection still creeps in. But I can notice it more quickly now and return to the present moment with an internal intention that no one and nothing can take away from me.

Learning to Drive My Own Car

I’m learning how to drive my own car. To take control of my thoughts, feelings, and actions. To intentionally choose how I show up and where I put my energy. As they say, energy flows where attention goes.

It feels very empowering.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been exploring ClassPass. It’s an app that allows me to explore different workout and yoga classes around the city, and I love the diversity and low commitment of it. I’ve been saying I wanted to do this. Now is the time to live in integrity—today.

It feels amazing doing the hard things, getting through, and for me, working out is a great way to connect with my body, explore being seen, and receive from my peers.

We’re all on our journey, moving at our own paces, but what is one thing that has been creeping onto your to-do list for a while?

Getting Back Into the World

I don’t want to need anything from anyone. I’m simply pouring into my own cup so that I have energy to give back to the world.

I can love, accept, and validate my fears and insecurities, but say, “Okay, time’s up,” when it goes on for too long. To say, “You’re beautiful, and I love you for showing up for yourself today. Thank you.” Etc.

I’m learning that self-love is built by showing up when I don’t feel like it, following through on my words, and living in integrity with my dreams.

I’m also learning to care less about external reactions and more about how I want to show up. I want to make a positive impact through small acts of kindness, rather than constantly wondering what someone else can give me or how they will make me feel.

I’m shifting from asking, “What can this person give me? How will they make me feel?”—which comes from a place of lack—to asking, “How can I appreciate this person? How can I show love?” That feels much more like abundance.

Showing Up for Myself

There is something about getting back into movement that has helped me reconnect with myself. Workout classes help me build self-esteem and confidence, but they also give me an opportunity to get back into my body.

I love learning. I love growing. I love being a student and having a beginner’s mind.

My self-development has become less about telling myself, “I need to fix you,” and more about, “I love you, I accept you, I think you’re great—and also, we can be better.”

I can acknowledge the past, explore my shadows, and integrate the parts of myself that I may have previously avoided without allowing them to define me.

Taking Up Space

I’m learning to take up space.

To not dim my light. To not self-abandon. To allow myself to be seen in my greatness.

I’m learning that I don’t need to manage other people’s emotions. I can care about people without making their feelings my responsibility. I can redirect that energy back into myself and into how I want to show up in the world.

There is a difference between caring about others and abandoning yourself for them.

Decreasing the Distance Between Idea & Action

I’m becoming more interested in decreasing the distance between an idea and action.

How many things have we thought about doing but left sitting on the shelf? How many times have we said, “I want to do that,” only to keep putting it off?

I’ve been saying I wanted to get back into classes. So I did.

Sometimes it really is that simple.

Take the next step. You don’t need to know exactly where it’s going to lead. You don’t need the entire plan. You can brush stroke by brush stroke, day by day, moment by moment.

Leaning Into Life Again

I feel like I’m leaning into life again.

After a very inward year, I feel myself wanting to get out, experience life, create days, infuse more fun and play, and allow myself to be in the world again.

Maybe there is a season for going inward, and maybe there is a season for coming back out.

I’ve spent a lot of time learning to listen inwardly. Now I’m learning how to take what I’ve learned and bring it with me into the world.

I’m learning to move from “sense, adapt, please” to “observe, meet in the middle.”

I learn by doing. By making mistakes. By experiencing triumph. By giving myself grace.

And maybe that’s the point.

There is no final destination to this journey. I believe there is just a deepening—a deepening of love, trust, and understanding.

Giving yourself permission to go after the things you want, I believe, is the gateway to freedom.

To not feel hindered by your past. To simply acknowledge it and let it go.

We’re living for today. “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.”

So I’m choosing to lean into life. To keep showing up. To keep moving. To keep creating. To keep learning. To keep becoming.

Praying for courage and resilience for us all. Shine brightly, beautiful soul. You were born for it. Explore your shadows, accept your beauty and talents without guilt or shame. Honour who you are by showing up for yourself each and every day.

I love you.

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