On self-trust, relationships, new beginnings, and learning that choosing yourself doesn’t mean choosing alone.

The Crossroads

Sometimes the hardest part is deciding which direction to take.

There’s a lot going on right now, both in the world and personally. It feels like I’ve been in a season of change, transition, and new beginnings for quite some time now.

Most recently, I was faced with making a rather pivotal decision: Do I leave North Carolina or stay?

I knew I was ready for change. A new beginning. A fresh start. I had been working so hard to carve my own path toward freedom through remote high-ticket sales. It hasn’t been an easy journey. It’s required perseverance, resilience, courage, and, most importantly, trust.

Ultimately, I decided to stay in North Carolina, with the intention of bringing the growth, independence, and self-trust I’ve been cultivating within myself into my relationship, too.

You know the saying, “Wherever you go, there you are”?

I knew I would still be faced with challenges. After battling my thoughts, fears, and worries, I finally made a decision. I chose to listen to my heart and navigate this next season of change here, together.

I wasn’t ready to leave a relationship I’d spent years building. For both of us, we’re entering a new season of growth, transition, and evolution.

There Is No Right or Wrong

Letting go of the pressure to make the perfect decision.

I’ve struggled with self-abandonment and codependency, with putting my dreams, passions, and personal pursuits aside in relationships. That’s a big reason I previously convinced myself that leaving everything behind was the “right” answer.

But you know what else I’m realizing?

There is no universally right or wrong answer. There are choices, consequences, experiences, and lessons. That’s all.

The indecision was making me a little crazy. I was hurting people close to me by going back and forth, and for that, I’m truly sorry. At the same time, I recognize that I was doing the best I could. I’m human, figuring things out as I go, just like the rest of us.

I’m allowed to be human. To make mistakes. To learn, change my mind, and grow.

Learning to Choose Myself

Discovering what it means to stand on your own two feet.

Now that I’ve made my decision, my intention is to continue pursuing my own path while allowing myself to lean into my relationship and life, simultaneously.

Is it possible?

I previously convinced myself it wasn’t.

But when I moved into my own apartment last year, without anyone or any relationship to blame, I was completely faced with myself. And I grew so much in that year.

I began taking real responsibility for myself and the direction I wanted my life to go. It was pain that motivated me. The realization that no one was coming to save me. That if I wanted something, it was up to me to go after it.

And if I wasn’t going after it, I needed to get curious. Why? What parts of me were holding myself back, and why?

Through that process, I began building a foundation of routine, healthy habits, and personal pursuit. I learned how to take care of myself, how to create structure, and how to show up for the life I wanted.

You Can Choose Yourself and Still Choose Love

Independence and connection don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

And now, I feel ready to lean in. To invite myself into relationships without abandoning myself or closing my heart off.

I’m not entirely sure why I’ve struggled with this. Perhaps, somewhere along the way, I learned that my needs didn’t matter as much. That I needed to care for everyone else first and foremost. That putting myself first meant I was somehow taking something away from someone else.

But I’m learning that I can care for myself AND care for others. I can receive support AND remain independent. I can pursue my dreams AND nurture a relationship.

It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

Why not continue to grow together? Why leave everything behind? Why not try, one more time, with a different perspective and a different version of myself?

Trusting What Unfolds

It wasn’t an easy decision. I have family and friends back in Missouri. I still experience doubt. I still question my decisions. But I’m choosing trust. I’m choosing to trust myself to navigate whatever unfolds. To continue showing up, doing my best, and remaining open to the lessons, opportunities, and blessings along the way.

I will continue to prioritize myself. That is a promise I’ve made to myself.

I’m allowing myself to be flexible and open to change while still pursuing the path I’m on.

It feels good to return to my passion projects, collaborate on projects bigger than myself, and feel love and support along the way.

Grieving the Road Not Taken

Every choice involves letting go of something.

Of course, I had to grieve the other side, too. The life I had envisioned when I considered leaving North Carolina. Because the truth is, there would have been grief either way. Every choice involves letting go of something.

And sometimes, we spend so much time trying to figure out which decision will hurt less that we forget to actually live.

Allowing Life to Be Uncertain

Something else worth remembering: nothing and no one is permanent or fixed. We are all learning, changing, and growing.

Give yourself grace to make mistakes. To try things, fall, fail, get back up, and keep going.

Give yourself permission to grieve and feel. Give yourself permission to change your mind if necessary. Give yourself permission to be all in, to lean into life as your authentic self, and see what happens.

You may surprise yourself. You may discover a new part of yourself. You may find things you love, things you don’t, and things you never would have known had you not allowed yourself to experience them.

Allow yourself to be where you are, and never forget how far you’ve come.

Each Time Around, We See a Little More

Growth isn’t linear, and revisiting something doesn’t mean you’ve gone backward.

We revisit familiar circumstances, old patterns, and past experiences, but that doesn’t mean we’re going backward. Each time, we have an opportunity to see things differently. To respond more wholeheartedly. To practice forgiveness, grace, and presence in ways we perhaps couldn’t before.

We are not the same people we were the last time we stood at this crossroads.

This is a journey in the eternal now. A continuous unfolding of becoming, remembering, and reconnecting with ourselves.

Don’t forget who you are, where you’ve come from, or where you’re heading.

This too belongs. You belong.

And you are worthy of all the miracles you desire.

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